第一章 认识独一无二的你 / Chapter 1: Know Your Unique Self

你刚翻开这本书的时候，是不是手里还攥着半块没吃完的草莓蛋糕？或者膝盖上刚蹭了灰，是爬树摘枇杷的时候摔的？你扎着歪歪扭扭的小辫子，或者刚剪完寸头，头发硬得像小刷子，没关系，不管你是什么样子，这本书都是写给你的。 When you just opened this book, were you still holding half an uneaten strawberry cake? Or did you just get a scratch on your knee from climbing a tree to pick loquats? You have messy little braids, or you just got a buzz cut with hair as hard as a little brush—it doesn’t matter what you look like, this book is written for you.

你有没有被人问过“你是什么样的女孩”？是不是很多人会告诉你，女孩要文静，要喜欢粉色，要会跳芭蕾，要留长头发，不能玩泥巴，不能爬树，不能跟男孩打架？好像所有女孩都要长成一个模子刻出来的样子，才叫“合格的女孩”。 Have you ever been asked “What kind of girl are you?” A lot of people will tell you that girls should be quiet, like pink, know how to ballet, have long hair, can’t play in mud, can’t climb trees, can’t fight with boys. It’s like all girls have to grow into the same mold to be “qualified girls”.

但今天我们要先把这个模子砸碎。因为根本没有所谓的“女孩应该做的事”，也没有“女孩不能做的事”。有的只是“你想做的事”，和“属于你的独特样子”。 But today we’re going to break that mold first. Because there are no such things as “things girls should do” or “things girls can’t do”. There are only “things you want to do”, and “your own unique look”.

我们先来玩个快速小游戏：在10秒钟里，在心里说出三个“别人说女孩不能做的事”，准备好了吗？3、2、1，开始！ Let’s play a quick game first: within 10 seconds, say three things in your heart that other people say girls can’t do. Are you ready? 3, 2

1，停！现在心里是不是已经冒出来好几个答案了？比如有人说“女孩不能玩滑板”“女孩不能当科学家”“女孩不能爬树”“女孩不能玩泥巴”？没关系，把这些答案先记在心里，我们待会再来聊它们。 1, stop! Now, are there already a few answers popping up in your mind? Like “girls can’t skateboard”, “girls can’t be scientists”, “girls can’t climb trees”, “girls can’t play in mud”? It’s okay, keep these answers in your head, and we’ll talk about them later.

你有没有过这样的时刻：你特别想做什么事，旁边的人突然说“哎呀，女孩做这个干嘛？”比如你想玩变形金刚，奶奶说“这是男孩玩的”；你想去参加机器人社团，同桌说“女生学不会这个”；你想穿短裤爬树，妈妈说“女孩要文静，别乱跑”。这些话是不是像小蚊子一样，嗡嗡嗡地往你耳朵里钻，钻得你都不敢想做这件事了？ Have you ever had a moment like this: you really want to do something, and someone next to you suddenly says “Oh, why would a girl do that?” For example, you want to play with a Transformer, and grandma says “That’s for boys”; you want to join the robotics club, and your deskmate says “Girls can’t learn this”; you want to wear shorts and climb a tree, and mom says “Girls should be quiet, don’t run around”. Don’t these words buzz into your ears like little mosquitoes, making you too scared to even think about doing that thing?

今天我们要先把这些嗡嗡叫的蚊子赶跑，还要把一个别人给所有女孩贴的隐形标签撕得稀碎——这个标签上写着“女孩应该是固定的样子”，但我们要告诉你：根本没有这样的标签，每个女孩都是独一无二的玫瑰，都有自己的颜色和香味。 Today we’re going to drive away these buzzing mosquitoes first, and then tear up an invisible label that others stick on all girls—this label says “girls should have a fixed image”, but we want to tell you: there is no such label at all. Every girl is a unique rose, with her own color and scent.

为什么我们总被贴标签？（Why Are We Always Labeled?）

别人给你贴的“女孩应该/不应该做某事”的标签，有个专门的名字，叫「刻板印象」（stereotype）^[2]。刻板印象就像别人随便给你贴的卡通贴纸，明明你根本不喜欢奥特曼，他们硬给你贴一张，还跟你说“所有女孩都喜欢这个”，你当然会不开心，甚至会怀疑自己：“是不是我真的不喜欢奥特曼？” The labels others stick on you that say “girls should/shouldn’t do something” have a special name: stereotypes^[2]. Stereotypes are like random cartoon stickers others stick on you. They clearly know you don’t like Ultraman, but they stick one on you anyway and say “all girls like this”. Of course you’ll be unhappy, and even start to doubt yourself: “Is it true that I don’t like Ultraman?”

这些标签是怎么来的呢？很多都是很久很久以前的老观念，那时候没有女孩上学，没有女孩工作，大家都觉得女孩只要待在家里做饭带孩子就行。但现在不一样啦，现在有女航天员，有女科学家，有女消防员，有女程序员，有会开卡车的女司机，有会爬树的探险家，女孩想做什么都可以。 Where do these labels come from? Most of them are old ideas from a long, long time ago. Back then, girls didn’t go to school, didn’t work, and everyone thought girls just needed to stay home and cook and take care of kids. But now it’s different. Now we have female astronauts, female scientists, female firefighters, female programmers, female truck drivers, female explorers who climb trees. Girls can do whatever they want.

我给你讲两个真实的小故事，都是普通女孩打破刻板印象的故事。 Let me tell you two true stories of ordinary girls who broke stereotypes.

第一个故事的主人公是10岁的广西女孩林林，她特别爱玩滑板，每天放学都要在小区广场练半小时。小区里的奶奶们总说她：“女孩玩这个摔了多疼呀，找个安静的地方跳跳绳不好吗？”林林每次都不服气：“摔了又怎么样？我又不怕疼，滑板比跳绳好玩多了！”她坚持练了两年，现在是我们小区滑板滑得最好的人，还教了3个小妹妹玩滑板，上次社区办滑板比赛，她还拿了第一名呢。 The first story is about a 10-year-old girl named Linlin from Guangxi. She loves skateboarding so much that she practices for half an hour in the community square every day after school. The grandmas in the community always say to her: “It hurts so much when you fall playing this, why not go jump rope in a quiet place?” Linlin always gets upset: “So what if I fall? I’m not afraid of pain, skateboarding is way more fun than jump rope!” She persisted for two years, and now she’s the best skateboarder in our community. She even taught 3 little girls how to skateboard, and she won first place in the community skateboarding competition last time.

第二个故事的主人公是12岁的浙江女孩陈芋，她的玩具箱里没有洋娃娃，全是螺丝刀、电路板、小电机，她最喜欢组装遥控车。班里的男生总嘲笑她：“女孩玩这些干嘛，脏死了，你看我们玩的都是手办、卡片。”陈芋根本不搭理他们，每天放学都泡在学校的科技社团里，去年她组装的遥控车拿了全国青少年科技大赛二等奖，那些嘲笑她的男生现在都跑过来问她“你是怎么组装的，能不能教教我？” The second story is about a 12-year-old girl named Chenyu from Zhejiang. There are no dolls in her toy box, only screwdrivers, circuit boards and small motors. She loves assembling remote-control cars most. The boys in her class always mock her: “Why would a girl play with these? It’s so dirty, look at the figurines and cards we play with.” Chenyu doesn’t pay attention to them at all. She spends every afternoon in the school’s technology club after school. Last year, the remote-control car she assembled won second place in the National Youth Technology Competition. Now those boys who mocked her all run over to ask her “How did you assemble it? Can you teach me?”

你看，别人说的“女孩不能做的事”，只要你喜欢，只要你愿意坚持，你不仅能做，还能做得特别好。 You see, the “things girls can’t do” that others talk about—as long as you like them, as long as you’re willing to persist, you can not only do them, but do them especially well.

联合国儿童基金会2022年发布的《全球儿童自我认知报告》里有一个数据：6-8岁是小朋友自我认知形成的关键时期，这个时期如果经常听到别人说“女孩应该/不应该做某事”，10岁之后女孩避开科学、技术、工程、数学这些“被认为属于男孩”的领域的概率会提升47%，选择传统“女性化”职业的概率会提升62%^[1]。换句话说，别人随口说的一句“女孩学不好数学”，可能会让你真的以为“我数学不好”，甚至再也不愿意学数学了，多可惜呀！ There is a data in the 2022 Global Children’s Self-Awareness Report released by UNICEF: 6-8 years old is a critical period for children to form self-awareness. If they often hear others say “girls should/shouldn’t do something” during this period, the probability of girls avoiding fields considered “belonging to boys” such as science, technology, engineering and mathematics after the age of 10 will increase by 47%, and the probability of choosing traditional “feminine” occupations will increase by 62%^[1]. In other words, a casual remark from others like “girls are not good at math” may make you really think “I’m not good at math”, and even unwilling to learn math anymore. What a pity!

我们可以把刻板印象的影响画成一个简单的小流程图，你看看是不是这样： We can draw the impact of stereotypes into a simple flowchart, see if it’s like this: ```mermaid graph TD A[别人给你贴性别标签<br>Others stick gender labels on you] --> B{你相信标签吗？<br>Do you believe the label?} B -->|相信<br>Believe| C[放弃自己想做的事<br>Give up what you want to do] B -->|不相信<br>Don’t believe| D[继续做自己喜欢的事<br>Keep doing what you like] C --> E[慢慢忘记自己真正喜欢什么<br>Slowly forget what you really like] D --> F[发现自己的独特优点<br>Discover your unique strengths] F --> G[变得更自信更快乐<br>Become more confident and happier] E --> H[觉得自己“不如别人”<br>Feel “not as good as others”] ``` <!-- 纸书格式：流程图放在页面右侧，用浅蓝色底色框起来，旁边标注“你的选择决定你的方向” --> <!-- 电子版格式：流程图可交互，点击每个节点可查看对应的案例讲解 --> <!-- Markdown格式：添加标签#流程图 #刻板印象影响 #儿童自我认知 -->

你看，如果你相信别人说的“女孩不能玩滑板”，那你可能就再也不敢碰滑板了，慢慢你甚至会觉得“我本来就不喜欢滑板”，但其实你只是被标签骗了。如果你不相信，坚持玩，你可能会发现自己滑板滑得特别好，还能教别的小朋友，这就是找到自己的独特优点了。 You see, if you believe what others say that “girls can’t skateboard”, you might never dare to touch a skateboard again, and slowly you’ll even think “I never liked skateboarding anyway”, but actually you were just tricked by the label. If you don’t believe it and keep playing, you might