第一章 雨天的烦恼 / Chapter 1: Troubles on a Rainy Day
第一章：雨天的烦恼 / Chapter 1: Troubles on a Rainy Day
> 本章核心问题 / Core Question > 当我们感到紧张、害怕，却说不清为什么的时候——我们的大脑里，到底发生了什么？
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一、清晨的那团"棉花糖" / The Cotton-Candy Feeling in the Morning
清晨六点四十分，雨点还在玻璃窗上排着队往下走，发出轻轻的"嗒嗒"声。小雨的房间被一层灰蓝色的光罩着，像是被谁蒙上了一块湿漉漉的纱布。
It was 6:40 in the morning. Rain was still tapping against the windowpane — *tap, tap, tap* — and Xiaoyu's room lay wrapped in a gray-blue light, as if someone had gently hung a wet piece of gauze around it.
她已经醒了。
She was already awake.
准确地说，她是被自己的肚子叫醒的——不是那种"咕噜咕噜"饿了的叫法，而是一种更奇怪的、闷闷的、像里面塞了一大团棉花糖的感觉。棉花糖堵在胸口，咽不下去，又吐不出来。
Not from hunger. From something stranger — a dull, muffled pressure inside her chest, as if someone had stuffed a giant ball of cotton candy in there. You couldn't swallow it. You couldn't spit it out.
小雨把被子拉到鼻子下面，只露出两只眼睛，盯着天花板。
Xiaoyu pulled the blanket up to her nose, leaving only her eyes peeking out, and stared at the ceiling.
今天是新学期开学的第一天。
*Today* was the first day of the new semester.
妈妈已经出门前叫她三遍了："小雨，起床啦！""小雨，要迟到啦！""宝贝，鸡蛋要凉啦！"可是她一句都没回。因为她正忙着和自己的胃打架——更准确地说，是忙着和脑子里"那个声音"打架。
Mom had already called her three times before leaving: *"Xiaoyu, time to get up!" "Xiaoyu, you're going to be late!" "Sweetheart, your egg is getting cold!"* But Xiaoyu hadn't answered once. She was too busy fighting with her stomach — or more accurately, with that voice inside her head.
那个声音说： *妈妈叫了三遍你都不回答。* *新同学会看你。* *老师会提问。* *你要是回答错了，所有人都会笑你。* *你要是回答错了，大家会觉得你很笨。* *你什么都不懂。* *你不属于这个新班级。*
That voice said: *"Mom called three times and you didn't even answer."* *"The new kids will all be looking at you."* *"The teacher will ask a question."* *"If you get it wrong, everyone will laugh."* *"If you get it wrong, everyone will think you're stupid."* *"You don't know anything."* *"You don't belong in this new class."*
这些句子像水一样渗进她的胸口，让那团棉花糖越涨越大。
These sentences seeped into her chest like water, making the cotton candy swell bigger and bigger.
她深吸一口气，对自己说："好了，小雨，起床吧。"
She took a deep breath and told herself: *"Okay, Xiaoyu, get up."*
可是脚刚碰到凉凉的地板，那个声音又冒出来了："你今天一定会出洋相的。"
But the moment her foot touched the cold floor, that voice popped up again: *"You're going to embarrass yourself today. For sure."*
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一路上，小雨的眼睛看着哪里？
Where Was Xiaoyu Looking on the Way to School?
妈妈骑着电动车，带着小雨穿过湿漉漉的街道。雨衣在风里"哗哗"作响，路边的树叶挂满了水珠，一颗一颗慢慢掉下来，像在数自己的眼泪。
Mom rode the e-bike with Xiaoyu through the wet streets. The raincoat flapped *whoosh whoosh* in the wind. Leaves along the road were strung with water droplets, dropping one by one — as if counting their own tears.
小雨把脸贴在妈妈的后背上，可是眼睛看着的不是树、不是水洼、不是亮着灯的早餐店。
Xiaoyu pressed her face against Mom's back, but her eyes weren't watching the trees, the puddles, or the brightly-lit breakfast shop.
她在看地上。
She was watching the ground.
她数着自己的鞋印——一个、两个、三个——每数一个，心里就多弹出来一句话：
She counted her shoe prints — one, two, three — and each time, another sentence bounced into her mind:
*"要是老师叫我自我介绍怎么办？"* *"要是新同学都不跟我玩怎么办？"* *"要是昨天的暑假作业大家都不会，只有我会，老师会不会让大家抄我的？然后大家都不喜欢我？"* *"要是……要是我举手，回答错了，怎么办？"*
*"What if the teacher asks me to introduce myself?"* *"What if none of the new kids want to play with me?"* *"What if nobody finished the summer homework except me, and the teacher makes everyone copy mine, and then everyone dislikes me?"* *"What if... what if I raise my hand... and get the answer wrong?"*
这些"要是"像一串没完没了的风铃，"叮铃叮铃"响个不停，每一个声音都让她的肩膀往下缩一点点。
These *"what ifs"* jingled on and on like an endless wind chime — *ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling* — and each sound made her shoulders shrink a tiny bit lower.
到学校门口的时候，小雨已经变成了一只小蜗牛。
By the time they reached the school gate, Xiaoyu had turned into a little snail.
妈妈把她从电动车上抱下来，说："宝贝，下雨天路滑，慢慢走啊。" 妈妈没有说别的。 妈妈不知道她肚子里有那团棉花糖。
Mom helped her down and said: *"Sweetheart, the road is slippery on a rainy day. Walk slowly, okay?"* Mom didn't say anything else. Mom didn't know about the cotton candy in her belly.
小雨点了点头，慢吞吞地走进校门。她刻意走在人群的最后面，时不时还低头假装系一下鞋带——其实鞋带根本没有松——只是为了少走几步，少和人打招呼。
Xiaoyu nodded and trudged through the school gate. She deliberately walked at the very back of the crowd, and every now and then she would bend down and pretend to retie her shoelace — even though her laces weren't loose at all — just so she could walk a little less and greet people a little less.
她心里想： *如果我不说话，就没有人发现我说错。* *如果我不举手，就没有人笑话我。* *如果我躲起来，今天就可以安全地过去。*
She thought: *"If I don't talk, no one will catch me saying something wrong."* *"If I don't raise my hand, no one will laugh at me."* *"If I hide, today can pass safely."*
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在教室门口，她"听见"了什么
What She "Heard" at the Classroom Door
教室门口贴着一张彩色的欢迎海报：红气球、绿树叶、一只笑嘻嘻的小猫写着"新学期，你好！"。在平时，小雨会觉得这只小猫真可爱。可是今天，她只看到了海报上一个红色的小污点，心里说："这个海报被涂脏了。"
At the classroom door hung a colorful welcome poster: red balloons, green leaves, a grinning kitten that read *"New semester, hello!"* On any other day, Xiaoyu would have thought the kitten was adorable. But today, all she saw was a little red smudge on the poster, and she thought: *"This poster got dirty."*
她的小手摸了摸书包带——书带已经被她攥得有点发热了。
She squeezed her backpack strap — it had already grown warm from her grip.
教室门半开着。里面已经有五六个新同学在叽叽喳喳说话了。一个扎马尾的女孩在大声介绍自己："我叫李乐乐，我喜欢跳舞！"另一个戴眼镜的男孩接着说："我叫王一帆，我喜欢下棋！"
The classroom door was half-open. Inside, five or six new classmates were already chattering. A pony-tailed girl announced loudly: *"I'm Li Lele. I love to dance!"* A boy with glasses replied: *"I'm Wang Yifan. I love to play chess!"*
小雨的心跳一下子加快了。
Xiaoyu's heart suddenly sped up.
*下一个是谁？*
*Who is next?*
*下一个应该是我了吗？*
*Should I be next?*
*我应该说什么？* *我叫什么？我喜欢什么？我……我忘记了。*
*What should I say?* *What's my name? What do I like? I... I forgot.*
她退后了半步，又退后半步。然后，她悄悄走到最后一排靠窗的位置，把书包放下来，把头低得很低很低，假装在翻笔袋。
She took half a step back. Then another half step. Then she quietly slipped into the very last seat by the window, put her backpack down, and bent her head low, low, low — pretending to look through her pencil case.
她以为没有人在看她。 她以为这样就安全了。
She thought no one was looking at her. She thought this way she was safe.
可是她没有注意到——她刚才经过讲台的时候，英语老师 Miss Lee 已经抬头看了她一眼，并且注意到了她弯得像小虾米一样的背。
What she didn't notice was that, as she'd passed the podium, the English teacher, Miss Lee, had already looked up and seen her — and noticed her back bent like a little shrimp.
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二、那只会发光的盒子 / The Box That Glowed
放学了。雨还是在下。教室里只剩下小雨一个人——其他同学都被家长陆续接走了。
School was over. The rain was still falling. Xiaoyu was the only one left in the classroom — the other kids had all been picked up, one by one.
妈妈还没来。妈妈发了一条短信："路上有点堵，再等一下，妈妈马上到。❤️" 妈妈不知道妈妈迟到的这十分钟，对小雨来说像一百年。
Mom hadn't arrived yet. Mom had sent a text: *"Traffic is slow. Wait a moment, Mom is almost there. ❤️"* Mom didn't know that these ten minutes of waiting felt like a hundred years to Xiaoyu.
小雨慢吞吞地收拾好书包，慢吞吞地走出教室，慢吞吞地走到传达室旁边的小花坛——她不想在教室里坐着，因为 Miss Lee 还没走，还在批改作业，她怕被老师留下来问今天为什么没有举手。
Xiaoyu slowly packed her bag, slowly walked out of the classroom, slowly made her way to the little flower bed beside the security room. She didn't want to sit in the classroom, because Miss Lee was still there, grading homework. She was afraid the teacher would keep her after class and ask why she hadn't raised her hand today.
小花坛旁边有一个半截埋在土里的小木箱，木箱上面盖着一片又湿又软的大芭蕉叶。 小雨以前从来没有注意过这个木箱。 但今天，就在她等着妈妈、看着地上的雨水一圈一圈冒泡的时候——
Beside the flower bed, half-buried in the dirt, sat a small wooden box covered with a wet, soft banana leaf. Xiaoyu had never noticed this box before. But today, while she was waiting for Mom and watching the raindrops circle and bubble on the ground —
那木箱开始发光了。
The wooden box began to glow.
是一种非常温柔的浅金色，像是有人把一小块月亮偷偷藏在芭蕉叶底下。光是从木箱的盖子缝隙里透出来的，没有任何声音，也没有风，但是那盖子上的雨水居然在慢慢往两边退，给光留出一条干净的小路。
A very gentle pale gold, as if someone had secretly hidden a small piece of moon under the banana leaf. The light came through the cracks in the lid. There was no sound, no wind, yet the rainwater on the lid slowly retreated to either side, clearing a small clean path for the light.
小雨愣住了。 她伸出手，碰了碰那个木箱。 手指刚一接触盖子，那光突然变得非常温暖，像是被一只大手轻轻捧起来一样，把她整个人包了进去。
Xiaoyu froze. She reached out and touched the